Groupthink

Dear Reader, I wrote a post on my other blog. I wasn't sure if it fit better there, because it's about my work, or here, because it's work I do with my daughter, and it'd work nicely under the conversations of consequence label. I decided it was more about work than the kid, so it's right over there for you to take a look.

Who's stupid now?

My daughter's scrambled eggs and toast weren't even close to eaten by the end of a Simpsons episode my father would love.

I said: Are you gonna be eating your breakfast forever?
She said: How I gonna do that?
I said: I mean you're eating so slowly, you're never going to be done.
She said: I'm eating.
I said: But your food's cold now. If you can't eat with the TV on, maybe next time you can't eat in front of the TV.
She said: Next time you not gonna remember.
I said: Oh you just stepped in a pile of it.

Softening Curse Words

God Fuckin Damn It = Godfried Daniel*
Son of a Bitch = Son of a Bee Sting
Piece of Shit = Piece of Shiz
Asshole = Asinine
Blet = Blast†

Fuckface = ________?
Bastard = _______?

*Godfried Daniel is a curse word taken from the ridiculous Fire Sign Theater, the Beatles of Comedy.
† If you feel, after saying Blast, that you're not done swearing yet, you can extend it to Blast from the Past

Which job is whose?

Tete: if you're taking your plate to the kitchen, take this one too.
Daughter: but that's not my plate!
Tete: well, you're always saying you want to help, so here's a chance to help! You gotta take all the plates, not just your own.
Daughter: but I'm not Mama, I'm just a girl!

She's as lazy as her father.

I'm in love with a Fairy Tale

On the last ride home it was time to kill some time, and my daughter's made up songs about whatever crosses her field of vision were getting monotonous. Not to thwart her creative instinct, I suggested she tell us a story. She didn't know what I meant, so I told her:

One day you and your sister were playing outside and a stranger offered you some candy. You agreed without asking me or Mama. He took you into the woods for the candy. You had a sandwich that I made you and every few yards you tossed a crumb of the sandwich on the ground. After a while you were in the middle of the woods and the stranger said you'll never go home again. Then he took a nap, and because you'd left a trail with my sandwich you found your way home.

See, I said, now you tell a story, I said to my daughter. Here's her story:

One day somebody offered us some candy and we went to ask you and Mama if we can take it.

Clever girl.

Jesus!

My special kid's been talking to everyone about the upcoming baby. Yesterday she mentioned it to my mother-in-law's friend. My special lady thinks our daughter then explained to him where babies come from impatiently, as if to an idiot, but I think it was something else. I think my kid knew somebody was messing with her, took offense, and spat back the last sentence of the conversation:

Friend: where's the baby going to come from?
Kid: Mama's belly.
How did it get in there, did Mama eat it???
No! Jesus put it there!

Bittersweet Anniversary

We began the day with my special lady's current breakfast of choice: kefir pancakes. Followed that up with exchanging gifts, which was awesome. I got her a guitar and arranged for a couple books from the states, not just for the anniversary, but to have something fun to do during the upcoming two year maternity leave. She got me amber cuff links, amazing. Then we spent a nice day together, including making strawberry jam and strawberry ice cream.

The unfortunate part of the day was dinner. We couldn't make reservations at Žaldokynė, where we held our wedding reception, because they didn't answer their phones, and their website was down. We drove out there anyway since it's not far from home, and there's a kebab place across the street as a hilarious alternative to a nice dinner. They were indeed closed, with a sign on the door saying they're closed "today." There was an Armenian place open right next door now though where we went instead of the kebab place. Aside from the microwaved fried black bread with cheese, my medium rare beef being cooked medium and my special lady's mediocre pork chop, the waitress told us Žaldokynė has been closed for six months.

It's a real shame. Our wedding reception was a total blast. People whose own children had been married just months ago told us they'd never been to such a fun wedding. Lots of good people, good music, just the right amount of booze, good food, good times. It was so fun my father offered to host the same crowd at the same place for our five year anniversary--I can't remember ever seeing him jollier than that! Alas, looks like the place is beat. It doesn't look sold, though, the sign is still up, so let's all hope the republicans make a come back and end the crisis. Or better yet, the objectivists!