Father's Day

For Father's Day my four year old daughter and unborn baby got me a manicure and pedicure. It was quite nice to be pampered (not literally, of course). I guess this was because after I saw Ocean's 13 I might have expressed curiosity about the procedures. It was relaxing, and rather funny: I kept laughing during the pedicure whenever the pedicurist tickled my feet, which was constantly.

That was on Saturday, cause the place is closed Sundays. Today my ladies made breakfast for me, the super delicious breakfast they only they have the patience to make: crepes with curd filling. Fantastic!

Confusion

My kid was helping me prep dinner yesterday. I gave her things like forks and beers to bring into the dining room (bed room). On her last trip there I told her, "Tell Mama to turn on an episode of Lois and Clark."

She glared at me and totally scrunched up her face, and if I had said something impossible to understand, and said, "Lois and Clark?! You mean Superman???"

Did you ever skip something important on your way to work?

I'm trying to figure out the exact moment it slipped my mind...I got into the correct lane to make the turn combination to make the stop. After the first turn I was still on track. I think that's when it was: there was a slow car in front of me, and half way through passing him I just didn't get back into the right lane and continued forward on my way to work. I guess that's probably the moment it slipped my mind. I do know the exact moment when I remembered, just after I missed the second turn I was supposed to make. It was when I heard an unexpected voice from the back seat: "Tete, I gotta go to kindergarten!"

Like Mama, eh?

Before my wife's return from a business trip this week, I struggled to get our pigsty ready to please her, to transform it into a model home. I wasn't about to do it by myself, though, so my daughter spent a couple days cleaning her room too. On my way out of her room, she asked, "Tete where you going?"

"To the kitchen."

"What you gonna do there?"

"Clean it up."

"Why?"

"So it's clean!"

Smirking, she remarked, "You're like Mama!"

Parting ways--for seconds, or for EVER?!

My wife left for the weekend, and that schedules us for a bout with Rota Virus. I opted for home treatment, and was utterly successful in curing my daughter promptly myself: all you have to do is drink a half gallon of fluids per day plus however much you puke or poop. Cured as she might be, it still wasn't a fun weekend, so the wife suggested I take her someplace fun on Sunday.

She couldn't think of anywhere she wanted to go (she just wanted the TV to be on all day), but on our walk to the ATM she found something exciting: mini cars kids can drive around in 6 minutes for 5 lits. Super. Good time, just that she has trouble keeping the peddle pressed down. The dude suggest putting it on autopilot so that she doesn't have to; okay, what's the harm in that?

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!" she screamed, as she tried to escape from the moving vehicle. I don't know exactly h0w fast it was going, certainly no faster than a lawnmower. She sort of half way fell out by the time I ran over to pick her up.

As we walked home from the unpleasantness, I asked her why she tried to get out. Turns out she couldn't see me anymore, and forgot that she can turn the steering wheel to change course. Her logical conclusion, given what knowledge she could summon at the moment, was that she was going to drive away from me and I would never be able to get to her, at least not until she got into an accident and possibly died: I wasn't sure if by "go away," which she repeated several times, she merely meant meters or maybe mortality.

The consequences have come to pass.

Remember when I wondered if I was telling my daughter the right thing about where babies come from? Well, today my wife and kid had this conversation:

Kid: Look, I have a baby in my belly!
Wife: Oh yeah?
Yeah.
How'd that happen, who put it there?
The cross.
Who?!
The cross!
What cross?
You know, Jesus Mary!

In Lithuanian when something unexpected happens people sometimes exclaim Jesus Mary (as in English people used to exclain Jesus Mary and Joseph). So I guess that's what she considers to be God's name.

Fools

I didn't fool too many people, but I had some fun.

Work:
One colleague left the office and when she came back I told her that someone had called for her. I gave her my special wife's phone number and told her it was Violeta (my wife's office mate). I fooled my colleague into calling, but my wife wasn't fooled into passing the call on to Violeta by default because she was out sick. Default sucks.

I told another colleague the boss was looking for her, and so she went and foolishly interrupted the boss to ask what she wanted.

Home:
Did one of you tell my daughter it was April Fool's Day? Because on the way home from kindergarten she cried out "Where's my hat?!" When my special wife turned around to check the hat status, the perfectly well-hatted child started laughing at her!

When I came home and put my keys in the door I heard the kid run to the door and start shouting Tete Tete Tete. I didn't unlock the door and stood there silently until she didn't think I was there anymore. Then I unlocked the door and pounced inside in a flurry and yelled.

My special wife, whom I love very much and I still find sexually attrative, asked me for some lemonade. So I brought her some with a bit of vinigar mixed it. She got very mad. It totally wasn't bad though, I finished off the remaining 400 ml of it myself. Daughter even said it was tasty.