Where did they learn this?

#1: Your butt smells.
#2: Yeah, well...your vagina smells!

#1: Oh yeah, did you smell it?
#2: No! Did you smell my butt?!

#1: No, but I can smell it from here.
#2: Well, I can smell you vagina from here!
Me: You know, this is all going on facebook.
Both: Oh....

Those Mans

D: Where those mans are?
Me: Those mans?
D: Those mans who came.
Me: That man who was here?
D: *sigh* You know what I'm talkin bout. Do you?
Me: The man who's fixing the furnace?
D: Yeah. Are they there still? Or are they already not there?
Me: He you mean. It's just one one guy. He's still here.
D: I thought it's three.
Me: Nope, just one.
D: Why he comed?
Me: Why did he come? To fix the furnace.
D: Why? What is a furnace?
Me: It's the thing that heats the house and the water.
D: That white thing?
Me: Yes.
D: That bottles are there?
Me: Yup.
D: Oh now I know.

Burned

D: Tėtė, will you make me some waffles or should I make them myself?
Me: You can make them.
D: (grumbling on the way to the kitchen) I'm gonna get burned...

No Baby

The children are in charge of the dishes with my supervision, 10 y.o. for sink dishes, 5 y.o. for loading and unloading the dishwasher.

D: I'm tired of unloading the dishwasher.
Me: Well, just hope that we have another baby and wait five years.

D: I'm not gonna wait five years!
Me: Why not?

D: Cause the baby can do it.
Me: You think a baby can load a dishwasher?

D: Yeah, but Mama's not gonna have a baby anyway.
Me: Why not?

D: Cause she's not gonna.
Me: Who told you that?

D: Nobody, I just know.
Me: How do you know?

D: Cause we don't have three beds.
Me: We've got ten beds! Three just in the kids' rooms. 

D: What, the baby's gonna go in A's room?
Me: Oh no no, certainly not. You're going to go in A's room and the baby will go in your room, which will henceforth be know as the baby's room. 

D: Well, but there's a special baby bed. That I slept in. Remember?
Me: Sure, sure, the crib. So the baby sleeps in the crib for a year in our bedroom, then moves to your room and you move to A's room.

D: Well, I'm going to take all my stuff with me!
Me: Okay. 

D: And I'm going to take all my things that I like with me too!
Me: Okay. 

D: But she's not gonna have a baby anyway.

How come Mama does no work around here?

I come downstairs Saturday morning and everybody's just laying around, wasting the day away. The kitchen is full of dirty dishes, both small (responsibility of the five year old to load into the dish washer, with my supervision) and large (responsibility of the nine year old to wash in the sink, with my supervision). So I tell them both to get up and get to the kitchen, and this conversation ensues (in Lithuanian) once I leave the room:

Daughter #2: why do only we have to work all the time and not you (Mama)?
Mama: cause I work all week, and get you bums ready for school and kindergarten besides that.
Daughter #2: but I work all week too! I have to go to kindergarten.
Daughter #1: at least all you have to do in kindergarten is play, at school I have to work.
Daughter #2: no, I have to sleep too!
Mama: get to work now.
Daughter #2: but why don't you have to work?
Mama: go ask Tėtė.

Daughter #2: I know already, it's because you're his wife. 

Why is a duck?

D #1 got her greatest wish, that D #2 take over the dishwasher duty. Little did she know that that means she is promoted to sink duty, i.e. dishes too big for the dish washer, and she now has to supervise D #2's dishwasher loading (as I have to supervise them both). So now D #2's complaining that D #1's telling her what to do.
Me: D #1's gotta tell you what to do.
Her: Why?
Me: Cause I used to do that, then D #1 did and I told her what to do. Now you do it, and she tells you what to do.
Her: But I know how to load it.
Me: You know some stuff, but you don't know everything. And if you don't do it right I'm gonna be mad at D #1.
Her: Why?
Me: Because it's her job to instruct you, just like it's my job to instruct her. That's the hierarchy.
Her: What?
Me: The hierarchy, when people above you tell you how to do your job.
Her: What is hieratchy?
Me: That's when people tell people what to do. At work Mama tells some people what to do, but other people tell Mama what to do, and still others tell those people what to do. That's what "hierarchy" is, more knowledgable people tell you what to do.
Her: But this is a "hat" (pointing, actually, to a basket on her hat). 

Stupid Birds

Did you have fun chasing the birds?
Yes, I scared ALL of them!